wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
