birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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