wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
