Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
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Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Shame is for Republicans.
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