Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
