i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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