Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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