I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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