you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
