U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
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