I will die if light touches me.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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