Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Don't tell me you're on acid again
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
