You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
