tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Too much gin, very little bucket
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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