I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
