finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
