im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
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These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
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Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
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