Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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