Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
