During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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