Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
