I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
