Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
