I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Randomize
