so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
