The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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