she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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