I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize