i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I smell like Dick and happiness
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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