people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Life is so much better after having sex.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
