Soap is not a condiment
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
