Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
