Have you finally orgasmed yet?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
