When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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