I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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