The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
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