I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
