I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
