I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
