when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
