his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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