I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
