WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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