we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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