i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
