Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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