I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
