My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
