Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize