Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
farters have to be the big spoon...
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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