Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
