So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
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Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
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You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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