Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Let's paint friendship bongs
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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