I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
