This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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