Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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