So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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