the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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