Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
