forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
