Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
