i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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