first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
