she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
