I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
