1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
