I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
