I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.