I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high