I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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