Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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