remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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