I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
