my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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