sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You may now shotgun with the bride
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
