Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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